Coincidence or God? Lost In-Laws

This is my last coincidence story for now. The car keys made me scratch my head and the drunk uncle incident made me wonder about God’s involvement in coincidences, but this encounter actually helped Jenell and I make a major life decision. Bear with me, this one requires a little back story.

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In December of 2007 Jenell and the kids and I had flown out from Columbus, Ohio to visit my parents in San Diego. One night they told us to go out and have fun, just the two of us, so we decided to drive up PCH and find a restaurant. We weren’t very familiar with the area, so we just headed north.

We soon found ourselves passing through Carlsbad village, a collection of beachside shops and restaurants, and Jenell said, “Oh, I think this is where my brother’s shop was!”

Over ten years before Jenell and I were living in Utah when she and her half-brother, Adrian, first made contact. They always knew of each other, but never met. Somehow Adrian’s wife tracked down Jenell and reached out, calling her one day. He was in his early twenties, newly married, and curious about the sister he’d never known. They formed a bit of a relationship over the phone and soon we were inviting them to come to Utah for a visit.

They spent a weekend with us. It was a amazing to see this person who in so many ways resembled Jenell – in appearance, mannerisms, and even sense of humor. More so for Jenell, who had been raised an only child. They connected instantly.

Adrian talked about the retail business he’d just started back in California, and we talked about our dreams for ministry. We talked about kids, about marriage, and, of course, about God. Adrian was an atheist and his wife Stephanie was dabbling in other kinds of spirituality, so they were a little unsettled to learn that we were in Christian ministry. It wasn’t long before we were chatting about religion and God, but the discussion remained friendly – even if it grew serious at times.

When the weekend ended we said our goodbyes and sent them back to California. Adrian and Jenell traded phone calls for the next year or so, but we both moved and changed numbers soon afterward and eventually lost contact. Jenell was always grateful for that visit, but sad about losing the relationship too.

All of these memories came flooding back ten years later as we drove through Carlsbad Village that night. We wondered aloud about Adrian and Stephanie: Did they still live in the area? Was Adrian’s business here? We talked about how nice it would be to reconnect.

We kept driving up PCH, looking for a decent restaurant, all the way to Camp Pendleton at the end of Oceanside. Nothing looked good, so we turned around and headed back to Carlsbad where we’d seen a Mexican food place that seemed promising. We parked, left our names at the crowded adobe-style restaurant, and were told it would be about 30 minutes.

So, we walked. And prayed.

We were in the throes of a big decision, pretty sure God was leading us to plant a church…but where? How? Our trip to San Diego was, in part, an excursion to see if God might be calling us back there. Was this the place? How would we know?

We walked around the Village, talking through it all and praying out loud, “God, show us what your will is? If this is where you want us, make it clear.” That’s when I saw it. Across the street.

A Starbucks.

“Let’s cross the street,” I said earnestly. “I think God is leading us over there.”

Jenell snickered.

As we made our way to the Starbucks we kept praying, “Show us Lord. Show us something.” We were so engrossed in our talking and praying we nearly ran into a small group of people walking the opposite direction. We managed to thread past each other without incident, until one of them turned back suddenly and said, “Jenell?”

We both turned and looked at the woman who’d called Jenell’s name. I didn’t recognize her. And I could tell by the look on Jenell’s face that she didn’t either. Slightly amused, I waited to see how she would handle it.

“Uhhh” Jenell mused, trying desperately to make the connection. Finally, she gave up, “do I know you?”

“I’m your sister-in-law!” The woman said.

Now I was confused. Sister-in-law? Was this woman crazy? My brother and his wife lived in Stockton, and she’s not…then it clicked. She did look familiar. I glanced to her left, and there, eyes wide and mouth agape, stood Jenell’s brother Adrian. They were older, but it was definitely them.

Everyone freaked a little – except the couple with Adrian and Stephanie who stood off to the side looking every bit as awkward as they felt. We invited them all to dinner with us, but the other couple had to get back home. Adrian and Stephanie joined us.

At dinner, Jenell said, “Wow, I can’t believe you guys still live in the area after all these years!”

“Oh, we don’t,” said Stephanie.

“We live about an hour away, in Temecula,” said Adrian.

“We haven’t been here for years,” added Stephanie. “We hardly get out these days with the kids. I don’t even know why we came here tonight. We never really come back this way anymore.”

“Don’t you have a business here?” Asked Jenell.

“Oh no,” laughed Adrian. “That didn’t last long.” He switched subjects quickly; something else was on his mind. “I have to tell you guys, that weekend in Utah changed our lives.”

We blinked. “What do you mean?” Jenell asked.

“Well, we became Christians because of you.”

We just stared, unbelieving.

“Oh, we’re like totally Christians” Stephanie emphasized. “Adrian even thought he wanted to be a pastor for a while.”

“It’s true” he said, chuckling a little. “I even went to bible college for a while.”

“But, you were an atheist,” I said. “How did that happen?”

“It was you guys,” he continued. “We just couldn’t get over how different you were. You didn’t judge us or pressure us, but you had this passion for God and life that we wanted for ourselves. It didn’t happen right away. We came back and time passed, but sooner or later we started looking for a church where we could find that same thing. Eventually we became Christians.”

We talked for long time, catching up on each others families – nieces and nephews that had never met, jobs and careers, causes and passions. We talked of the joys of discovering God and fellowship, and the disappointments that come along with church too.

It was a real gift to us, in more ways than one. It turns out they’re amazing people who are doing amazing things. And we get to hang out now (see the pics above from Father’s Day this year). Not only was it a gift to hear – all those years later – that we’d made some kind of difference in their lives, but we took it to be a genuine sign that God was confirming our sense of being led back to California, and while we didn’t base our decision solely on that encounter (not even close), the truth is, it was a factor.

We asked God to show us something, and He gave us something instead; more than we could ever have imagined.

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Was it God or coincidence? How can we know the difference?

Technorati Tags: Coincidence, Free Will, sovereignty, Stories

Coincidence or God? Drunk Uncle

I have two more coincidence stories to tell. Honestly, my response to the car keys incident was plain-old, head-scratching bewilderment. Nothing more.

But this next encounter made me wonder. (Yes, I’ve changed some of the names).

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One cool summer evening the phone on our bedside table rang late at night. Jenell and I both jerked straight up in bed, immediately gripped with anxiety: Was someone hurt? Had there been an accident?

I snatched the phone from its cradle, “Hello!”

“Hi, yes, uh this is Robert Smith an I need to talk to someone about my bill.”

It was man’s voice. Older. Unrecognizable to me but recognizably intoxicated. Lascivious music loitered in the background and voices crowded the middle distance.

“Excuse me?” I said, “your bill?”

He jumped on my question: “Yes! My bill. I need to talk to someone about my bill!”

“What bill?”

“What bill?” He mocked with disgust. “What do you think. My phone bill.” He lamented to someone over his shoulder, “Jesus, what the hell is wrong with this person?”

“I don’t know who you are and I have nothing to do with your phone bill.” I flirted with hanging up, but somehow I felt he needed to understand he’d called the wrong number. Mostly, I just didn’t want him to call back. “I’m afraid you’ve called the wrong -”

“I already told you, this is Robert Smith. Just look up my account. You guys fucked up my bill and I need to straighten it out. Right now!”

My wife could hear the yelling from the phone. She looked at me, questioning. I rolled my eyes helplessly and shook my head, letting her know it was nothing serious.

He was peppering his tirade with more profanity now. He was completely wasted, and emboldened by the alcohol to swing for the fences. Soon he would unleash all his phone-company-frustrations upon the uncooperative employee at the other end of the line. Me. I halfway sympathized, but also realized that it would continue to escalate. So I switched tactics.

“Alright Mr. Smith, my apologies, I’m going to take care of that bill for you.”

“It’s about fuckin’ time! Jesus…” he muttered.

“Can I have your phone number please? Starting with the area code?”

“Yeah, it’s 909-555-5151.”

909? I thought to myself. That’s from Riverside, California. What are the chances someone from my hometown would call a wrong number and get me in Utah? Weird.

“And where are you calling from?”

“Where am I calling from? What the hell does that have to do with anything?”

“I just need it for my records, sir.”

“Uh…okay. I’m calling from a payphone at a bar in Victorville.”

Victorville? I had lots of family in Victorville. This was getting suspicious.

“Okay,” I said, “give me a second to pull up your account on the computer.”

“Great.” He was calm now. Satisfied and vindicated. He started talking again to the man over his shoulder about a woman across the bar, and the things he’d like to do to her. They giggled wickedly. That’s when I realized he was with a friend. Maybe someone less drunk than himself?

“Okay Mr Smith, I have your account in front of me and I can definitely clear these erroneous charges, but I need one more thing from you first.

“Great, what’s that?”

“Are you there with someone?”

“Excuse me?”

“At the bar. Are you with a friend?”

“What the f-…what does that have to do with my phone bill?” He was ramping up again.”Yeah I’m here with a friend. I’m here with my buddy Terry. He just got out of jail tonight and we’re freaking celebrating! Is that alright with you? Goddamn…” he said away from the phone again, “You believe this guy?”

“Could you put him on the phone please?”

“What? Excuse me?”

“Sir, can I please talk to your friend Terry?” I was still being polite.

“I don’t know why the hell you need to talk to -”

“Mr Smith,” I became stern, “do you want me to take care of your phone bill or not?”

He demurred, “Well, yes.”

“All right then. If you let me talk to your friend Terry I can erase this bill for you. If you don’t, you’re going to be stuck with these charges.”

“All right,” he gave in, “Jeeez, fine.” Away from the phone I heard, “He wants to talk to you…” followed by muffled protests. Then, “I don’t know, he just does. I need this taken care of, I can’t afford this bill. Just talk to him!”

The phone shuffled for a second. Then another older man’s voice tentatively said, “Hello?”

I recognized this voice.

“Terry?” I ask.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Terry Jones?” I pressed. I already knew the answer.

“Uhhh, yes. Who’s this?”

“Terry, this is Jason Coker. Your nephew.”

“What the…Jason? What are you doing on Robert’s phone?”

“He called me Terry.”

“What? Why?”

“I don’t know Terry,” I said, using his name as a punctuation mark. Do you know why your friend would call me here in Utah? From a bar in Victorville? After midnight?”

“Oh shit…” He trailed off.

Jenell was sitting up fully now, staring at me, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. “Terry,” I called into the phone, trying to bring him back to the moment. “Did you give Robert my phone number?”

“No. No, no. Swear-to-God Jason, I didn’t give him your number. I don’t even have your number.” Off-phone Terry hissed at his friend, “Robert! You called my nephew. Jason. In Utah. He’s a PASTOR!” He let that last word sink in, as if he’d just unveiled the most dangerous secret in the universe.

“Then how did he get my number Terry?”

“Oh my God Jason,” he was back. “I know what this is.”

“Oh? What is it Terry?”

“This is GOD. Trying to tell me something.”

“Terry…”

“No, I’m serious Jason. Oh my God. I shouldn’t even be here Jason. I just got out of jail!”

“Terry, I don’t know if…”

“I get it Jason. Loud and clear. I get the message. I’m so sorry man, but I get the message.”

“Well, alright,” I said. “You take care of yourself.”

“I will. Seriously. I promise.”

“And tell your friend that I can’t help him with his phone bill.” With that, I hung up.

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So, God or coincidence? Is there a more likely explanation? Do you think Terry and Robert were telling the truth?

Technorati Tags: Coincidence, Free Will, sovereignty, Stories

Coincidence or God? Car Keys

I’m fascinated by stories of coincidence. Most Christians have no trouble attributing serendipitous events to the providence of God, but for me it’s just not that simple. I’m a big believer in free will, so these incidents are both an intellectual challenge and a real source of marvel for me.

I’m going to tell a few of my own stories of coincidence. Mostly just for fun, but also because I’d love to prompt some discussion about these kinds of encounters and maybe read some of your stories too.

So, here’s a small example:

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I thoroughly enjoyed living in Park City, Utah for eleven years. As a youth pastor, skiing and snowboarding with teenagers was my job (I highly recommend it).

One time I was skiing at Park City Mountain Resort with a friend. It was a huge powder day and we were having crazy fun carving big turns in the deep, fluffy snow. We came to the bottom of a run and stopped at the chair lift grinning from ear to ear, when suddenly I realized my jacket pocket – the one with my car keys in it – was wide open and hanging inside out like a gutted fish. My keys were gone – lost somewhere in the 4 feet of snow on the mountain.

Of course I had to call my wife and have her bring a spare key to my truck so I could drive it back home, but the real bummer was all the other keys I would have to have made: house keys, mailbox keys, church keys…huge bummer.

I put it off as long as I could.

One week later (to the day) my dad was visiting from California. Naturally, I took him skiing. At some point in the day we were flying down the very same run, and when we reached the bottom I stopped in the big crowd of skiiers queueing up for the lift and said to to my dad, “Man, I was skiing here last week and came down that very same run and lost my keys somewhere in the powder. I was a huge bummer.”

Just then a man came flying down the hill and skidded to a stop about twenty feet away. He stabbed his poles in the snow, pulled off his goggles, reached into his pocket, and yelled to the crowd, “Did anybody lose a set of keys?!”

There, from his outstretched fingers, dangled my keys. I couldn’t believe it.

“Those are mine!” I yelled over to him. My dad looked at me unbelieving, and said, “No way. Shut up!” He thought I’d set the whole thing up. It took me 15 minutes to persuade him that I was telling the truth and that he’d witnessed the unfolding of a bizarre coincidence.

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So, what do you think? Is that God? Why or why not?

Technorati Tags: Coincidence, Providence, sovereignty, Stories

A Parable of Four Fathers

Once there were four fathers, each of whom had a son who decided to move out of the house and make their own way in life.  Each of the fathers presented their son with a valuable parting gift for the journey: a shiny new red car. Upon giving their sons these cars, each of the fathers gave the same promise, followed by the same warning: “This is your car to drive so you may get to work on time, enjoy the freedom to travel, and impress pretty girls. I will make the payments on the car for you because you can’t yet afford something like this on your own. However, keep this in mind: you must cover your own insurance and gas, and be sure to maintain it as well. If you do not pay the insurance, the banks could revoke the title. And if you do not take good care of it, this car that you now love so much will eventually cause you great trouble. You are welcome come over anytime for my help, and use my garage full of tools to maintain and fix it.” Each of the sons was elated and, grabbing the keys greedily, jumped into their brilliant new cars and tore out of their driveways to explore the wild and open world.

However, after several months each of the sons fell into hard times of one sort or another and failed to make their insurance payments. Their insurance was canceled and the banks began to call each of the fathers to report inadequate coverage. The fathers called their sons, but each of the boys was deeply ashamed and ignored their father’s phone calls -afraid to admit their weakness, foolishness, and need.

Each of the fathers responded differently.

The first father was frustrated and angry and wanted to shout and scream and put his son in his place. But, being a strong father he ignored his impulses and did nothing. The bank informed the DMV which revoked the son’s registration and eventually the car was repossessed. The son lost his job and fell into drinking heavily, which contributed to his shame. Consequently, the son continued to avoid the father at all costs and their relationship suffered greatly – making Thanksgiving an excruciating exercise in pent-up rage and passive-aggressive dysfunction in accordance with the American tradition.

The second father was frustrated and angry, so being a strong father he tracked down his son at a burger joint and beat him to a bloody pulp in front of his son’s girlfriend, saying with every punch and kick, “How! Dare! You! Shame! Me! Like! This! You! Owe! Me! Big! Time!” He dug the car keys from his sons bloody jean pocket and drove the car home to care for it himself. The whole ugly incident was captured by a bystander on their cell-phone video camera and shown across the nation on the evening news. It became known as the “Wrath of Bob” video (Bob being the father). Soon the whole family was on the Today show talking to Matt Lauer about the “vicious cycle of abuse.” Jay Roach is now set to make the movie with Jim Carrey and Morgan Freeman signed on in the lead roles.

The third father was frustrated and angry, but, being a strong father, he had a well-thought out plan for what to do. In fact, he had known perfectly well all this was going to happen and had already determined an orchestrated response. He didn’t want his son to be deprived of a car for work, but he did want his son to learn a valuable lesson. So he continued to pay the car payment and the insurance so the car wouldn’t be repossessed. The months went by and the father knew the car would be in need of maintenance. So, one night, the father packed up his tools and sneaked over to his sons house in the pitch of darkness. Quietly and carefully he broke into the garage, lovingly crawled under the car, and cut the break line. While he was under there he loosened the tie rods and cut the belt to the power steering too. The next day the son jumped in the car to head to work, but as he began to navigate the steep downhill switchbacks on the way he found that the breaks were like mush. Terrified, the son jerked the steering wheel to make the sharp turn, but it hardly budged. Somehow he made the first curve, but by the second curve his wheels were rattling from the loosened tie rods, and by the third curve he was totally out of control. He crashed through the guardrail and plummeted down the hill slamming into the ravine at the bottom breaking both his legs, puncturing his spleen, and collapsing a lung. He would have died down there if it weren’t for the EMT crew and life-flight helicopter the father had arranged to have waiting at the scene. As they flew to the hospital together the son gasped through bloody bubbles his eternal thanks and gratitude to his great father for saving his life. The father leaned over and whispered, “I love you son…all is forgiven.”

The fourth father was frustrated and angry, but, being a strong father, he knew that his response to this situation would have serious consequences for their relationship. He didn’t want his son to be deprived of a car for work, but he did want his son to learn a valuable lesson. So he continued to pay the car payment and the insurance so the car wouldn’t be repossessed.  The months went by and the father knew the car would be in need of maintenance. So one evening he packed up his tools, sneaked into his sons garage, and changed the oil. He also changed out the brake pads and replaced a bad wheel bearing. The son never even noticed. As the months passed the father would sneak over to the garage and fix little things here and there, but the father knew that the car was ultimately in the sons possession, so there would inevitably come a time of reckoning that the son would have to deal with. He continued to call the son and leave notes warning the son of an impending disaster and pleading with his son to change his mind, but to no avail. Sure enough, one day while driving to work an over-worn tire blew out, causing the son to lose control of the car. He crashed through the guardrail and plummeted down the hill slamming into the ravine at the bottom breaking both his legs, puncturing his spleen, and collapsing a lung. He would have died if it weren’t for the OnStar the father had installed on one of his late-night break-ins. The ambulance arrived quickly – as did the father – and as they were rushed to the hospital the son gasped through bloody bubbles his eternal thanks and gratitude to his great father for saving his life. The father leaned over and whispered, “I love you son…all is forgiven.”

Which father was the strongest?

Technorati Tags: Calvinism, Parables, sovereignty

The scriptural bias toward chaos

I’m a day behind Darryl in this informal conversation about the sovereignty of God, but yesterday he posted his latest in the series, “Does God control human decisions and actions?” Not to spoil the ending for you, but Darryl’s answer to that questions seems to be “Yes.” As usual, Darryl is humble and gracious, but he brings the big guns to this topic, citing no less than 51 passages of scripture. You really should read it yourself, but in his conclusion, he writes:

At every turn, the Biblical writers see God’s hand in everything that takes place. God is in control of everything – our lives, our desires, our actions – even the sinful ones. He is able to control things so that they accomplish his purposes. At the same time, humans make meaningful choices and are in no way puppets – as contradictory as this appears to us.

I really appreciate the way Darryl has approached this subject, and I’m impressed with his dispassionate approach. Still, I must point out that none of the passages he cites preclude the Kingdom-oriented view of God’s sovereignty I briefly summarized in my last two posts (here and here). For anyone who takes scripture seriously (as I think we all do here) there is no question that an important theme of the bible is that, “God is in control.” That’s not really in dispute.

However, the question remains: at what level of circumstance is his control exercised?

Continue reading…

Technorati Tags: Arminianism, Calvinism, Darryl Dash, God, sovereignty

Birds, the Bible, and broken down cars

Update #1: Jenell (no, not my wife Jenell surprisingly), has posted a brilliant and hilarious response to John Piper’s latest strange rant about the Lutheran and bad weather. Trust me, read it.

Update #2: Greg Boyd has the unforgivable audacity to weigh in on the discussion of John Piper’s recent post with scientific understanding and common sense. Scandalous!

Update #3: Today (8/22) John Piper clarifies his intentions about the tornado blog post. I have tremendous respect for Piper’s life and work, but frankly I’m having a hard time swallowing his explanation. His entire original post was written to single out the ECLA and their particular sin. How can he credibly claim that he was making a general point?

Update #4: Michael Spencer (aka the Internet Monk) weighs in with his thoughts on the whole topic. His post is excellent…but then, I would think so because I agree. : )

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Daryll Dash began his blog series on the topic of God’s sovereignty and evil today, and he does a great job of modeling a humble, reasonable, and irenic tone. In other words, he’s everything I’m not.

The whole post is worth reading here, but the main scriptural points he makes are:

• God controls the events of the natural world, including the weather (Psalm 65:9-11; Psalm 135:6-7; Psalm 147:15-18; Jeremiah 5:22; Nahum 1:3; Acts 14:17). God governs the events of nature.
• God sometimes favors one group over another through natural events (Genesis 41:32; Exodus 9:13-26; Amos 4:7).
• According to Jesus, this divine control extends over even the smallest details (Matthew 5:45; Matthew 6:26-30; Luke 12:4-7).
• Jesus, as God, calmed the sea at his command (Matthew 8:23-27).

Let me begin by addressing the passages themselves:

Continue reading…

Technorati Tags: Arminianism, Bill Kinnon, Calvinism, creation, Darryl Dash, Gospel, nature, sovereignty

The not-God of I35, Job, and John Piper

My online friend Bill Kinnon has gotten himself into a bit of a row over the subject of God’s sovereignty with this post at his blog Kinnon.tv. In it, he not-so-gently mocks John Piper’s comments about God’s supposed role in the I35 bridge collapse a couple years ago in Minneapolis. Here’s the shot he fired across every neo-Calvinist’s bow:

I do not believe in a God who foreordains every action, but in a God who is not surprised by anything. As an example, the collapse of the I35 bridge in Minneapolis/St. Paul was not part of God’s sovereign plan – no matter what Piper told his young daughter.

Daryl Dash got into the action by announcing a subsequent, yet still impending, blog series on the topic and Bill seems to enjoy jousting with others in the comments section resulting in this rebuke by another reader:

God has foreordained everything to happen. The Scriptures are blatant about this side of the truth revealed about God’s sovereignty. Just because you can’t logically conceive of this as compatible with suffering in this present fallen world doesn’t mean you have to denigrate God’s pre-determination of all things.

Here’s my question: Doesn’t Jesus’ gospel – that is, the pronouncement of God’s inaugurated kingdom (i.e. Matt 4:23) – fundamentally presume the existence of a realm in which God is not king, where his rule and reign are not?

Continue reading…

Technorati Tags: Bill Kinnon, Darryl Dash, Evil, God, Job, John Piper, sovereignty